How Not To Be Hurt

by Swami Prajnanananda
Created: 08 Feb, 2011

When are we hurt? Whenever we are not respected, discouraged, ignored, misunderstood. In our daily life we have to come across different types of people. We have no control over their behavior. Whenever we feel hurt by words or action of others, there is a wound in mind. When repeated, these wounds get accumulated, get deeper and take control of our mind. We know how to deal with physical wounds, but we find it difficult to handle mental wounds. We will be wasting our precious life with painful moments if we cannot handle mental wounds. Life will be more meaningful and enjoyable if we can handle this problem. Let us see some important steps to heal the mental wounds and get rid of them.

  •  Know the root cause - Basically the hurt feeling is due to the difference in how one wants to be treated and how one is being treated. So the cause is in self estimation and expectation.
  • Accommodate - You know well that you cannot estimate a person exactly the same way as the person estimates him or herself; in the same way it is not possible for any person in this world to estimate you the same way as you do. Accommodate the differences.
  • Acknowledge opposition - Direct your actions as per the need of the situation following ethics and norms. Once action is over, do not worry about prejudiced comments. In human history every great leader including Mahatma Gandhi, had critics. You need not accept every view, but you have to acknowledge opposite views.
  • Learn - If you look back at your life, you might recognize many occasions where others had better ideas than you, and you did not get them right. Whenever you are criticized, instead of retarding, begin to analyze and learn to improve yourself.
  • Speak out - Do not keep the wound in mind. It becomes bigger and deeper. Nobody can help if you keep your problem in your mind. Speak out. Best way is to speak to the concerned. Otherwise discuss the problem with your friends.
  • See positive - Do not develop hatred towards the person or situation that hurts you. See positive things about that person or situation. Rose plants will have thorns. Instead of brooding over the unpleasant incident, engage yourself in positive activities.
  • Seek help - There is one relationship which is permanent, trusted and always available-God. Tell Him your feelings and seek help.

When one practices these steps and seeks God's help, not only the wound gets healed but also the person gets matured and the root cause is visible clearly. Bagavad Gita elaborately discusses about the values to be followed by discriminative, contemplative persons who can be free from mental wound. 'Absence of conceit, absence of pretention and accommodation' are some of the values stated. 'Not hurting' is mentioned as an important value to be followed. So, if one does not want to be hurt, he or she should first restrain from hurting others.

Further while describing the three gunas (sattva, rajas and tamas) Krishna tells Arjuna, "When one does not see an agent other than the gunas and when he knows himself as beyond the gunas, he gains my nature. Crossing these three gunas, those are the cause of the body, one gains immortality."

Listening to this, Arjuna asks Krishna, “What are the characteristics of the person who has crossed these three gunas?”
Krishna says, “Such a person, a gunatita, is not shaken by gunas, is the same in pleasant and unpleasant situations, same with reference to censure or praise and is the same towards respect and insult.“

You are not hurt and you don't hurt any when you know that you cannot be really hurt.

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